Kefka and Sephiroth: BESTEST FRIENDS!
by Omikami Kazegami
Summary: Oneshot. Sephiroth and Kefka meet in the dank and dungeonlike halls of SquareEnix, and some things happen. Rivalries come to a head, and junk. Yes.


Okay, just keep walking. He won't see you if you just keep walking. Don't turn to look, just keep moving.

" Kefka?"

Oh Fuck.

" Oh, hi Sephiroth! How's it going?"

" Pretty damn good, Kef. What about you? Still into the clown thing I see!"

" Oh, t-things are fine for me. Y'know, FF6 is still considered one of the greatest RPGs of all time. Course, not everyone gets a CG movie sequel to their game!" Laugh, Kefka. Seem friendly. _Smarmy bastard._

" Yeah, that's true. Guess that's just the way the cookie crumbles… So I hear FF6 was re-released recently. That's good."

"Uh, y-yeah, it is… O-on the GameBoy Adv-"

" Oh, on a _Nintendo _platform. That's good, but I've always said that nothing good will ever come of Square's association with the big N."

" Um, it's actually Square-Enix now, remember?"

" Quite… they make that other RPG… what was it called? Umm…"

" D-dragon Quest, Sephiroth. It's arguably more popular than our Final Fantasy in Japan."

" Well… perhaps YOURS, being an ahem " Under appreciated classic". But I like to think that FF7 has a certain…. Long lasting appeal.

You slimy git. Look at that girly hair… get a freaking haircut, you angsty wimp! "Oooh, look at me, my Mother is an alien viral colony! I'm so handsome with my really long sword that only I can wield. I'm certainly not compensating for anything!"

Easy, Kefka… No need for thoughts like that. Sephiroth is just a little… empowered by his success.

Bugger that! The man's a freaking genius! He's figured out a way to become the most renowned villain in video game history by having old man hair and a phallic sword.

" So I also hear that many…. _Other _Final Fantasy games are getting sequels. All because of that girly "Final Fantasy X-2" thing."

_He's one to talk about girly!_

" Yes."

" You… Is FF6 getting a sequel, Kef?"

" ….. No, Sephiroth. No, it isn't"

" Oh, that's a pity….."

" Oh no, it's no big deal…. So, uh… How are your.. Um, clones, is it? Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo, aren't they?"

" Oh, I think they're okay. I think Loz is singing in Vegas, now… Course, there's no way they could improve on the original, eh Kef?"

" True…. Say, I saw Advent Children the other day. Frightfully sorry, my friend."

This'll shut the bastard up… 

Hey, hang on. I know where this is going, and I-

I can't stand this vapid imbecile any longer. It's MY turn now! 

" Why, whatever for, Kef?"

" Well, you WERE only in the last fight scene of the movie. Suppose Kadaj stole your limelight. Never liked that fellow myself, too obnoxious for my tastes. And they say he's made up of elements of _your personality_?"

" What's your point?"

" Oh nothing. Just saying, is all."

" Just saying what? That I'm no longer fit to be a main villain?"

" Why, never! All I was saying is that supporting characters seem to be called upon a lot more recently… Vincent just finished Dirge of Cerberus, Zack is doing Crisis Core. Even the Turks had Before Crisis. Isn't it a bit odd that you've not been called on yet? Perhaps you should talk with Nom-"

" Kefka, I don't like your tone."

" _Sephiroth, I don't like your face."_

" What?"

Oh crap, what've I done now?

" Listen here, bucko. I am the most well known characters in video gaming today, and you're just-"

" Actually successful at conquering the world in MY game, Sephy" 

Oh no, he's drawing Masamune.

"_Where on earth do you keep a thing like that?! Jesus, no wonder you're often paired in homoerotic fan art…"_

This is going to lead to violence, isn't it?

_Hell yeah! I'm ready to beat this angst-ridden wimp down!_

Oh shit, he's charging me.

We seriously have nothing to worry about.

What? Did you ever PLAY FF7? In the end he had-

Wings sprouting from his ass and a seven-minute long attack cinematic that sometimes turned the player into a frog. I know! What's your problem?

Well, he's-

-Right on top of us. Duck, you good thing!

Wow. That was close. He almost took my head off.

" You're in for it now, you Renaissance Fair reject!"

" Ooh, look who's talking? Going to a Goth convention, are you?"

" I am going to fucking stab you."

Oh my god, he said-

-His sword is stuck in the wall.

Oh… Hey, you're right. Umm, who ARE you, anyway?

Oh, I could be any number of things. A split personality created over the long years you've spent forgotten and neglected, maybe. I could be your Super-Ego telling you to grow a spine. I could be Wallace, the imaginary friend you had as a child, or your myriad psychological problems masquerading as him. I could be the violent villain you laid to rest all those years ago, trying to resurface and help you conquer the Earth again. Maybe I'm actually Satan trying to tempt you to evil. For that matter, I might actually be Tetsuya Nomura, trying to set up some kind of crossover plot for a new Final Fantasy game. Or-

You know, Sephiroth started punching me about halfway through your second sentence.

Oh shit, really? Why didn't you say something?

Well, I was going to, but you kept talking. I thought it would be easier to wait you out.

You gentleman, you. So, you're getting punched, you say?

Yes, quite hard. In the face.

Huh, I wonder how I missed that? In any case, I expect you'll want to punch him back, then?

That would be preferable to being a punching bag to an emo, yes.

Understandably! Well then, Left or Right arm?

I don't really mind. You can choose.

How very kind. All right: Left arm raised. FIRE!

Ooh, look at that: He fell over. How interesting.

Fell like a sack of fucking wheat, he did.

I suppose so. Oh, he's getting back up.

Yes. Yes he is. D'you reckon the fan boys would pay money to see this?

Probably, but we could hardly charge for ringside seats, could we? I mean-

" EEEEEEEORRRRWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Oh fuck.

Oh fuck.

" Oh fuck."

" WHOOOOOOOGLARB?"

" Hello Sin."


End file.
